


Family is having full on fist fights during Christmas while cackling at eachother

by Villages_offorests



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Albino bxtch boy won't accept love, Alluka has DID hence Nanika, Banter, Chaos, Gen, I don't know, In the words of Aynslee, Jessie's girl is a bop but it's also lowkey creepy, Killua is an oriented aroace asf, May or may not be romantic relationships, Milluki is technically comic relief if you squint throughout the show, Modern au asf, Please help these unstable idiots, as an aroace I must ask how THE HELL do you romance, basically the Zoldyck siblings being chaotic because I have six siblings and this is how we act, because I just want to project onto characters bye, because I said so, chatfic, everyone's age range is 14-22, please what am I thinking, they just need to be appreciated, we don't do the assassin thing here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29552718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Villages_offorests/pseuds/Villages_offorests
Summary: Skip^to_my-Illu: Your name isn't allowed to be aesthetically pleasing☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: and yours isn't allowed to be creative and ironicKill-u-a: I believe mine is both of those things ✨Skip^to_my-Illu: Shut up☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: It really isn'tKill-u-a: okay well slander works too
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Kalluto Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Basically all the Zoldyck siblings, Gon Freecs & Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Gon gets along with Killua Alluka and Kalluto, I don't know though - Relationship, Zushi might come into play later, insert intimidated asf Gon when faced with Illumi
Comments: 21
Kudos: 30





	1. Jessie's girl can have her harem somewhere tf else

**Author's Note:**

> So this  
> Is  
> My first Chatfic, and I have been hanging out with these amazing people on discord who gave me the inspiration to write the chaotic mess that will be whatever this is.  
> Usernames:
> 
> Kill-u-a // Killua (obvious)
> 
> ☆',°Aishite!•`.☆ // Alluka/Nanika
> 
> Skip^to_my-Illu // Illumi
> 
> Otakuwu🙄🤘 // Milluki 
> 
> Milkman-and_paperboy // Kalluto

**☆**

**Family isn't your blood it's other peoples', 2:54 pm**

Skip^to_my-Illu: Guys.

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Oh no not this guy again

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: who invited you

Skip^to_my-Illu: Shut up I've been here for two weeks

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Oh

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: You've been lurking for two weeks. . . ???

Skip^to_my-Illu: Yes. Now if you don't listen I'm finding this 'Zushi' character and telling him how obsessed you are.

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: NO PLEASESGWGSGDG

Kill-u-a: GAHAGWGGRDV

Skip^to_my-Illu: So I need you guys to come over and help me sneak tf out because mother is listening to Jessie's girl and I'm uncomfortable.

Kill-u-a: She. . .

Skip^to_my-Illu: Please. She's only turning it up. We're going to get a noise complaint and it's going to be from me.

Kill-u-a: KAKAKAKSKBSB

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: HAHA SUCK IT

Skip^to_my-Illu: GUYS PLEASE

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: We're picking up Kalluto now, be by the window and have a decoy in your room for cover

Otakuwu🙄🤘: It sounds like you've done this before???

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Hey google how to tell your brother he's the only one who hasn't gotten tf out of this house before

Otakuwu🙄🤘: . . .

Otakuwu🙄🤘: Good on you I guess

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Thank you darling

Kill-u-a: Hey google how to drive when your siblings won't SHUT UP

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Pouts

Otakuwu🙄🤘: Sobs aggressively

Skip^to_my-Illu: SIGHS AND KICKS HOLE THROUGH WALL AAAA

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: YOU KICKED A HOLE IN THE WALL?????

Skip^to_my-Illu: JUST HURRY UP AND GET HERE BRATS

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: THAT IS NO WAY TO TALK TO YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR AND HOLY SPIRIT

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Finna pull up a couple houses away I think

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Yeah okay your window's unlocked man?

Skip^to_my-Illu: That it is yes

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Epicc

Otakuwu🙄🤘: I feel like I'm not supposed to see this

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: You aren't

Kill-u-a: Stay in your basement Piggy we won't come back for you

Otakuwu🙄🤘: Lovely thank you guys

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: At any time Shant you need us brother

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Okay we're sneaking up the driveway asf

Skip^to_my-Illu: I can't see you

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Good that's the point

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Killua has a pebble he's gonna throw at the window when we get close enough

Kill-u-a: If I break it it's on purpose

Otakuwu🙄🤘: Sure bud

Kill-u-a: Quiet gamer girl

* * *

"Not our time learning to fox walk in boy scouts coming in handy" Alluka commented as she and Killua walked alongside the house after confirming Kalluto went to the door to distract their parents:

"You're going to put it to waste if you can't shut up so we're not caught!" Killua jabbed his sister in the side and grinned as she stifled a yell, quickly dodging her counterattack as they came just under Illumi's window.

"Oh, god, she really is putting it on full blast." Alluka whispered sharply as "Jessie's girl!" Chorused through the air behind them followed by an obnoxious beat.

"Surprised Dad let her do that." Killua mumbled as he aimed a pebble at the glass above them and threw it, smirking to himself when it _thunked_ against the window and he was able to catch it again.

"What do you need that back for?"

"Just in case we need quick ammo if we're seen."

(Plus, Gon gave him the pebble, but it wasn't going to be any time soon when he'd admit that.)

Either immediately silenced as Illumi's window slid open and the man looked around, then down at them. He put his hands together and mouthed "God, thank you" before turning back, probably to get a few things that would aid the escape.

Alluka and Killua exchanged looks, silently agreeing to make Illumi buy them McDonald's as payback for whatever was about to go down.

* * *

**☆**

**Family isn't your blood it's other peoples', 4:51 pm**

Otakuwu🙄🤘: G a m e r g i r l????

Otakuwu🙄🤘: Guys

Otakuwu🙄🤘: hello

Otakuwu🙄🤘: Do I hear Kalluto upstairs right now????

Otakuwu🙄🤘: HELLO????

Milkman-and_paperboy: Shut up comic relief you're blowing up my phone and undoubtedly everyone else's.

Otakuwu🙄🤘: C

Otakuwu🙄🤘: Am I comic relief??


	2. Mission impossible: The window escapade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Milkman-ad_paperboy: All of you are helping me with my origami lessons and then I'm giving you papercuts.
> 
> Skip^to_my-Illu: NO PLEASE THOSE SUCK
> 
> Otakuwu🙄🤘: When you're not even here
> 
> Kill-u-a: KALLUTO WHY
> 
> ☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: I wasn't even fronting for a majority of whatever this was -N
> 
> Milkman-and_paperboy: Nanika you're spared
> 
> Kill-u-a: Oh come on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is time.  
> For the escape.

"OW! Illumi what the hell?!"

"SH! Deal with it, brat. Give me a second and I'll be down."

"Just for that we're leaving."

"I'll tell mom and dad you were here."

And, then, Killua suddenly had second thoughts.

"Y'know what..I'll just hold this and wait for you." Killua grabbed the rope of sheets that previously landed on his head, staring daggers into Alluka and she let out sighing laughter. "As you should." The two at the base of the house watched carefully as their older brother performed the precarious feat of climbing out of his window.

"Y'know, for some reason I pictured this to be a little more..graceful." Alluka pondered as she stared up at her brother with an arched brow.

"Shut up I'm trying- CRAP!"

"MOVE IT-" Killua shouted as he shoved his sister out of the way before Illumi could barrel into them from above:

"Well, angel, did it hurt, falling from heaven like that?"

It took a minute for Illumi to function again. His voice came out strained,

"Yes."

They all froze as the music inside the house was turned off.

"Holy hell we're totally screwed."

And with that, the trio scrambled to their feet and ran for the hypothetical hills.

(Otherwise known as Killua's car)

"QUICK QUICK QUICK TEXT KALLUTO-"

"What's going on?"

Oh no.

"NANIKA NO WHY NOW- UGH"

Killua shook his sister by the shoulders before hurriedly taking out his phone-

* * *

**☆**

**5 messages from 'Family isn't your blood it's other peoples''**

Otakuwu🙄🤘: …

Milkman-and_paperboy: what was that

Otakuwu🙄🤘: Was that a thud??? Did someone just fall is everything okay??

Milkman-and_paperboy: Guys mom and dad are going to check on the noise that wasn't y'all right

Milkman-and_paperboy: oh my god GUYS THAT WASN'T YOU WAS IT

* * *

Oh, this was gonna be a ride wasn't it.

* * *

Kill-u-a: That, indeed, was us.

Kill-u-a: Illumi has no general skill and somehow fell out of his window. We might need to go to the hospital after this.

Milkman-and_paperboy: Oh my god I'm killing all of you

Milkman-and_paperboy: I'll be there in a second be ready to drive I doubt they haven't caught on to anything

* * *

"Was that a scream?"

Sigh.

Killua hated it when Kalluto was right.

* * *

Milkman-and_paperboy: Currently Running

Milkman-and_paperboy: I'VE BEEN COMPROMISED THEY'RE CHASING ME

Milkman-and_paperboy: TTS WORKS WONDERS BROO

Kill-u-a: WHAT

* * *

Killua flicked his head towards Nanika's passenger window to see a running Kalluto with a phone in their hands, zig zagging to (unsuccessfully) mislead the siblings' parents who weren't far behind. He fumbled for his keys and (barely) resisted the urge to scream as he started his car and the door in the back was thrown open.

"ILLUMI MOVE!"

"KALLUTO WHAT THE HELL-"

Unimpressed, Kalluto hurriedly sat on Illumi's lap and slammed the door while screaming: "KILLUA YOU BRAT DRIVE GO GO GO!"

"GO GO GO-ING!" The blonde screamed whilst slamming on the gas and looking frantically in the dash mirror to see an exasperated Kikyou and Silva in the wake of their getaway.

"..What the hell just happened."

"Hey, Nanika, welcome back to the family."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ong thanks asf for reading  
> Love you bye bro /p


	3. McDonald's.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor, poor Killua.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You've memorized their McDonald's order" is tye new "You remember what they were wearing when you first met"

As Killua's very soul slowly decided it was okay to come home, he almost crashed at  _ least _ three times.

"You guys are welcome, by the way, those people are so hard to talk to please-"

"I'd say thank you if I could breathe properly, you're literally like ten years younger than me how are you this suffocating-"

"Illumi, call me fat indirectly  _ one more time  _ and I will throw you out of this car, jump after you, conk your head into the asphalt, and hide your body in the ditch drain." 

And.

Well, silence was the only logical option. Kalluto carried out his threats all too often.

An excruciatingly awkward two minutes passed.

Nanika was having an existential crisis.

It was time.

"Illumi, you're buying us lunch as a thank you."

"This should be common courtesy, I don't owe you brats anything. We were almost caught anyway."

"Here you go, Kiki."

"What?"

Illumi looked on in visible confusion as Kalluto handed Killua his eldest brother's wallet.

"Oh. Thank you, Kalluto." The white haired boy took the wallet in one hand and spun it on his finger before catching it and shoving it into his pocket.

Illumi sat for a moment;

"How the hell did you even-"

"To McDonald's, gang!" Killua half yelled over his now completely broke brother, and he took the next right.

* * *

"Okay so I'm not mad or anything but who the BLOODY HELL ordered a FISH SANDWICH that's DISGUSTING guys COME ON."

It seemed Alluka was back full force, which made whatever this was about to be ten times more mortifying. 

"..It's uhm..That's for..Not for any of us." Killua glued his eyes to the road and deep sighed as his sister slowly turned to face him head on.

"..It's for Gon isn't it."

". . ."

"Well."

"I KNEW IT UGH. When did you get the chance to talk to him while you were driving?"

"I didn't."

"...So, you've memorized his McDonald's order."

"Stop that."

Killua huffed silently as all of his siblings simultaneously groaned at him.

"Why do we put up with your pining like this?"

"PINING?! I DON'T PINE OVER GON-"

"You yell to cover up your insecurities."

"WHAT- Guys. Guys,  _ guys. _ I'm an aroace-"

_ "Oriented aroace", _ his siblings spat out in unison.

Why had he come out to them again?

"..So. Moving on."

"Killua, darling, my love." Alluka grabbed Killua's face with both hands before he could pull out of the parking lot:

"We all hate you for this and you should tell him because GOD HOW HAVE YOU NOT REALIZED HOW  _ PAINFULLY OBVIOUS  _ YOU GUYS ARE!?" She shook her older brother's face violently before kissing him on the cheek and returning to pass out the food.

Killua blinked a few times before slowly returning to the wheel and gripping it a little harder than normal. 

"It's- We're friends, it's platonic."

"UGHHHHHHHH" 

The driver had the music turned all the way up for a majority of the drive home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi asf people !!!  
> Sorry for not updating. You see I've been struggling to even get out of bed lately so ejjehr.  
> Thank you for reading   
> Have nice life now


	4. The start of my friends to lovers slowburn fic. /j../hj

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sighs.  
> Hangs head in shame and crouches in corner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO!! !!!!!  
> Gon and Killua's relationship thing is inspired by two of my friends who were obvious asf with eachother and yet refused to believe they had the same feelings.  
> Grey.  
> Janky.  
> Glares at you,,,,

Killua dropped his siblings off at their apartment so they could set up for Illumi;

Except for Kalluto. And of course it was Kalluto because they lived with a few friends a bit away from here. 

Of  _ course _ it was Kalluto, because aside from Alluka, Kalluto loved seeing him suffer the most. 

"Alright, so you're gonna go be a simp and then drop me off, right?"

"No, I'm not giving you the luxury of seeing Gon. I'll drop you off and then get him his food-"

"You can't gatekeep your boyfriend."

"Kalluto I swear to whatever god may exist-"

"His food's gonna be cold if you drop me off first."

This.

This here, is why he hated when Kalluto was right.

It's also why Killua took out his phone while switching lanes to go left instead.

* * *

**Everyonecallsmefrog, Kill-u-a: 6:31 pm**

Kill-u-a: Ayo we got McDonald's

Everyonecallsmefrog: W H A T

Everyonecallsmefrog: lucky asf ugh

Kill-u-a: Why would I tell you we got McDonald's if I wasn't driving to your house with McDonald's for you

Everyonecallsmefrog: AWWW KILLUAAAA

Everyonecallsmefrog: Oh frick wait

Everyonecallsmefrog: Like right now youre driving???

Kill-u-a: yes. 

Everyonecallsmefrog: PH HELL

Everyonecallsmefrog: Okay

Kill-u-a: . . . Gon is everything okay

Everyonecallsmefrog: Killua are you gonna be staying to eat?

Kill-u-a: w h

Kill-u-a: No I have to drop Kalluto off we just got back from a.

Kill-u-a: ..

Kill-u-a: We're gonna call it a mission

Everyonecallsmefrog: ,,,,,I want to ask

Kill-u-a: Don't.

Everyonecallsmefrog: ugh fine asf

Everyonecallsmefrog: Kalluto can stay too if they want

Kill-u-a: NO

Kill-u-a: Oh frick um??

Kill-u-a: Caps lock sorry

Everyonecallsmefrog: Aw, man

Kill-u-a: Why is this such a big disappointment to you

Everyonecallsmefrog: Cause

Everyonecallsmefrog: I miss you

Kill-u-a: I

Everyonecallsmefrog: GAYS*

Everyonecallsmefrog: guys*

Everyonecallsmefrog: I mids you guys

Everyonecallsmefrog: All pf uou

Kill-u-a: Mhm,,, that's gay but whatever bro,,,

Everyonecallsmefrog: NO IT'S NOT GAY 

Kill-u-a: Sure,, buddy,, we're almost there so just chillax on the hormones,,,,,

Everyonecallsmefrog: KILLLUAAAAAA

* * *

"Wanted to let you know you're terrible at hiding a smile."

Oh, right. Kalluto.

"Quiet."

"You don't need a GPS to get to his house? You're usually horrible with directions."

Hell. That's what this was. 

"..I..Uh, we used to hang out more often and I just..uh."

"Yeah, alright bud." 

"Will you shut up?"

"I like the sound of my voice."

"Go-figure."

"Mm."

Both brothers ended up silencing by the time they pulled into Gon's driveway. Killua made sure to stare daggers into his sibling before grabbing the food and walking up to the door:

Which, opened before he could knock, so he accidentally knocked on Gon's chest instead.

Either one stood for a moment, staring at eachother, before Gon cracked a smile, which made Killua giggle, that made Gon laugh, and soon they were holding onto each other's shoulders to stay balanced.

Gon hugged the boy in front of him in the midst of the giggle fit, and Killua returned it quickly before taking a deep breath and pulling away.

"Hi, Killua!"

"Hey, Gon."

They lapsed into silence while smiling at one another before Killua remembered he had an all-too-familiar person in his car, who was undoubtedly watching this whole thing.

"Uh. Got you McDonald's."

"Oh! Yeah, thank you Killua!" 

Gon took the bag that was offered to him and looked inside, his eyes lighting up:

"Oh, wow! Killua, you remember what I like!"

Killua felt himself momentarily tense before quipping:

"Well. Yeah. You're predictable as hell and get that every time."

"Killua, we haven't eaten anything together in like, half a year. Much less go to McDonald's."

Crap.

Alright, time to go hide in his bedroom- or, actually, maybe Kalluto could do that car thing. That would be nice.

"Killua has such a good memory! Thank you. Really!" 

Oh.-

"Oh! Uh- uhm. Yeah. Yeah! No problem."

"Bye, Gon!" Killua swerved on his heel and bolted for his car-

Or, almost?

Killua whipped his head around to see Gon's hand around his wrist:

"Ne, Killuaa. Will you come eat with me sometime? Like, a picnic? Everyone else can come too! Yknow, I just. We don't get alot of time to hang out anymore. A-any of us, I mean."

Man, this is gonna be a disaster.

"Sure, I'll text you about it later."

"Okay! Thank you Killua!" Gon suddenly pulled his hand away like he'd been burned, and Killua took the opportunity to give his friend a wave before running back to the car.

"That was a homosexual experience."

"Quit it."

"Did he grab you by the wrist to ask you out or?"

"You're not invited to the picnic."

"What?"

"Exactly."

Killua tapped his sibling sweetly on the nose and turned the music up again.

"Now, where do you live?-"

"I hate you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this awkward and cliche chapter.  
> The picnic is going to be.. a journey.


	5. Texting and driving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not condone texting and driving.  
> Killua just has no general regard for his own life 🙄🤘💔

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I promise a picnic this chapter?  
> Yes.  
> Did it happen?  
> No.  
> Will it in the next chapter?  
> Yes.

On the way home from dropping off Kalluto, Killua started to survey his options for whatever was going to happen in the picnic situation.

Gon said he could bring his family if he wanted.

But Gon was _terrified_ of Illumi. Frankly, Killua understood, Illumi looked like one of those porcelain dolls that you just _know_ is gonna stab you while you're sleeping, like no one in this family even _has_ black eyes how did you-

Anyway.

Illumi wasn't coming.

He thought about Alluka, but the immediate threat was the fact that she would _never_ let him live this down. She'd act way too innocent and pushy, and if Nanika fronted at all she would carry that on subconsciously because Nanika is an absolute fricking angel, how is she a part of my sister. 

Alluka couldn't come, neither could Nanika.

Kalluto was out of the question.

Milluki was never even in it. 

That left one person: Killua. Alone. 

Oh god.

He was going to be mortified out of his mind.

* * *

**Everyonecallsmefrog, Kill-u-a 7:26 pm**

Kill-u-a: Hey so about the picnic thing

Everyonecallsmefrog: Aw man, can you not come?

Kill-u-a: No idiot I'm asking if we could do it tomorrow morning

Everyonecallsmefrog: O h

Everyonecallsmefrog: We probably cpuld yeag

Kill-u-a: Kay epic

Everyonecallsmefrog: Epic asf !!

Everyonecallsmefrog: who all are you bringing 

Kill-u-a: I mean I was gonna come alone but if youreally want me to 

Everyonecallsmefrog: HSHHSVF NO KILLUA THAT'S NOT

Everyonecallsmefrog: NO

Everyonecallsmefrog: You just seemed afraid to talk to me alone so I thought you would bring someone 

Kill-u-a: Gon give me one person who's scared to talk to you and why

Everyonecallsmefrog: Neferopitou 

Everyonecallsmefrog: however tf you spell their name 

Everyonecallsmefrog: I pummeled them and their leader's girlfriend in my neighborhood water balloon fight last summer

Everyonecallsmefrog: Cause they were bullying Kite for having albinism and who tf does that because being albino is so cool?????

Kill-u-a: Having Albinism is snazzy and I can confirm that with experience 

Everyonecallsmefrog: See like wtf

Everyonecallsmefrog: go get a life you goon, return to your master kronk

Kill-u-a: PLEASE bye

Everyonecallsmefrog: no don't leave

Kill-u-a sighs

Kill-u-a: comes back

Everyonecallsmefrog: snazzy

Everyonecallsmefrog: so what time tomorrow?

Kill-u-a: let's do like

Kill-u-a: noon 

Everyonecallsmefrog: Bruh I'm gonna wake up at Seven and be rdstless asf yensjsjhrf

Kill-u-a: cool, the world can rot until I'm ready to wake up

Everyonecallsmefrog: Killua you're gonna leave me to rot until you wake up ??

Everyonecallsmefrog: You're going to regret sleeping in when I start rambling

Kill-u-a:...

Kill-u-a: Did you just imply that you were the world to me

Everyonecallsmefrog: ...moving on,,,,

Kill-u-a: but homie,, I don't want to move on ,,,

Everyonecallsmefrog: Homie,,That's gay,,

Kill-u-a:

Kill-u-a: 9

Kill-u-a: That's the earliest you get

Everyonecallsmefrog: yknow ehat I'll take it

Kill-u-a: Good

Kill-u-a: You can't spell for anything by the way

Everyonecallsmefrog: button make word but sometime word go brrr in wrong way

Kill-u-a: Fascinating.

Kill-u-a: Okay I'm driving peave me alone

Everyonecallsmefrog: you texted me first

Kill-u-a: and now I'm not texting you anymore 

Everyonecallsmefrog: Sobs

Kill-u-a: Cope. 💞

Everyonecallsmefrog: Is thst a hert emoji

Kill-u-a: No your gay mind is just tricking you

Everyonecallsmefrog: so I have shitsophrenia now

Kill-u-a: Sh-

Kill-u-a: What did you just say to me

_Everyonecallsmefrog: so I have shitsophrenia now_

Everyonecallsmefrog: ^

Kill-u-a: GON IT'S SCHIZOPHRENIA BYE

Kill-u-a: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

Everyonecallsmefrog: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

Kill-u-a: NO I'M LEAVING JSAKAKEJSKA WTF

Kill-u-a: I'M TELLING EVERYONE 

Everyonecallsmefrog: JZSYSH THID IS SLANER

Everyonecallsmefrog: KILLUAUSHSBBSB

* * *

**Family isn't your blood it's other peoples', 7:34 pm**

Kill-u-a: Hello siblings

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Oh dear god what happened 

Milkman-and_paperboy: They kissed

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: WOAHHHH KEEP IT PG IN FRONT OF KALLUTO KIKI

Skip^to_my-Illu: Oml finally the last chapter 

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: 35k words Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Slowburn, friends to lovers, Author is sleep deprived, mutual pining, Alluka is amazing, oblivious!Killua, oblivious!Gon

Otakuwu🙄🤘: NO PLEASE

Kill-u-a: Okay so has everyone had their fun

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: No, you haven't 

Kill-u-a:....

Milkman-and_paperboy: ALLUKASGWJAJS

Kill-u-a: sorry to rain on your parade but we didn't kiss

Milkman-and_paperboy: They wanted to

Kill-u-a: I'm gonna turn my car around and drive full speed into your house

Milkman-and_paperboy: You're not even close to my house don't overestimate yourself 

Kill-u-a:... So I came here to show you guys this wonderful conversation 

**Kill-u-a: [sent one attachment]**

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: WHAT DID HE SAYYY

Otakuwu🙄🤘: NO BECAUSE EXCUSE ME WHILE I SOB

Otakuwu🙄🤘: THERE'S NO WAY

Skip^to_my-Illu: Hisoka used to think it was shitsophrenia actually 

Kill-u-a: of course he did

Kill-u-a: your boyfriend is stupid

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: So is yours

Kill-u-a: Chosing to ignore this ^

**_Kill-u-a: [sent one attachment]_ **

Milkman-and_paperboy: Yknow what

Milkman-and_paperboy: Gon's my favorite now all of you suck

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: NOO HOMIE NOT YOU TOO

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Next thing tou know Illumi's gonna start liking him

Skip^to_my-Illu: Please that boy is so scared of me and for what

Kill-u-a: don't start this as if you don't know you look like you came straight from the scream movies

Skip^to_my-Illu: So, Killua, where are you right now

Kill-u-a: In the car

Skip^to_my-Illu: Are you alone?

Skip^to_my-Illu: Are you sure?

Kill-u-a: yes

Kill-u-a: wait w

Skip^to_my-Illu: How long do you think it would take for someone on the sidewalk to reach you?

Kill-u-a: No wait please because I'm literally driving by the sidewalk 

Skip^to_my-Illu: could you hide somewhere before that?

Skip^to_my-Illu: are your doors locked?

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: ILLUMI PLEASE WHAT

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: My anxiety is haywire and I'm not even in a car

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: Are our doors locked

☆',°Aishite!•`.☆: ,,,do I want to check,,

Kill-u-a: Afraid

Kill-u-a: turning phone off

Kill-u-a: see y'all at home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon that Illumi quotes the scream movies in front of Gon to scare him 🙄💞


	6. S E R V E R✨

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me. Giving you the link to a server with my chaotic friends in it so you can be hotties with us 🙄

SO NO THIS IS NOT A NEW CHAPTER SOBS

Had a person ask for the link to the server I'm in with a few chaotic friends of mine and so here it is

I know I've kept you guys waiting for chapter 6 and I swear I'm trying but it's supposed to be like  
Awkward romantic tension I guess??? And as an aromantic asexual I don't really know alot about that feeling, much less on how to write it so I have some writer's block because I want to make you guys happy but like what if I completely and utterly fail you know

ANYWAY HERE'S THE LINK LOVE YOU GUYS ASF BYE

https://discord.gg/Y34Wg37eUR


	7. Picnicing thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua and Gon being indirectly in love, and Killua wanting to understand his own mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER   
> Sorry besties I'm not good at writing romance related stuff, what can I say, I'm an anxious aromantic   
> Also, gender dysphoria, school, panic attacks, and my own thoughts have completely derailed my already non existent update schedule so I do apologize for that.  
> ENJOY THE GAY CHAOTIC AND SLIGHTLY ANGSTY PICNIC CHAPTER !!!

**☆**

**Everyonecallsmefrog, Kill-u-a 12:28 pm**

Everyonecallsmefrog: Killuaaaaa

Everyonecallsmefrog: Killua

Everyonecallsmefrog: KI

Everyonecallsmefrog: LLUU

Everyonecallsmefrog: AAAAAAAA

Kill-u-a: GON

Kill-u-a: W H A T.

Everyonecallsmefrog: Can we go on our picnic today 

* * *

Shoot.

* * *

Kill-u-a: Uh

Kill-u-a: I don't know 

Kill-u-a: Maybe tomorrow, I have to help Alluka with scheduling for highschool today

Kill-u-a: Ew god she's going to highschool next year

Kill-u-a: We're old Gon

Everyonecallsmefrog: Killua.

Kill-u-a: Gon.

Everyonecallsmefrog: You've been avoiding this for two weeks.

* * *

Oh. He counted.

* * *

Kill-u-a: Screw you.

Everyonecallsmefrog: Killuaaaaaaa

Everyonecallsmefrog: Pleaaase 

Everyonecallsmefrog: You can just tell me if you don't wanna go

Kill-u-a: You're an idiot I want to go

* * *

"You're just the definition of a gay panic and are too afraid to be alone with him?", Alluka chirped as she lay her head on her brother's shoulder:

"...It's the reading over my shoulder for me."

"On your shoulder. Not over."

"Dead to me."

"Then bury me on your way to go see Gon and Illumi will cover you from the police."

"This isn't going to go away is it."

"It most definitely is not."

"What about your highschool stuff?"

"Illumi can help, I already have a pretty good idea anyway."

"Alluka-"

"Two weeks. You've kept this poor, beautiful man waiting for two weeks."

Killua shot his sister a strange look out of the corner of his eye and sighed out of his nose before groaning and turning his phone back on.

"As you should."

"Shut up and go talk to Illumi."

"You better be gone by the time I come back. Pictures or you just went on a walk to trick me."

"Fine."

* * *

Kill-u-a: I'll see you at Yorknew park, yeah?

Everyonecallsmefrog: YAYYYYY

* * *

  
  


Was Killua being ghosted?

Not that this was a date. 

Not a date. 

Don't do that.

But- no, was he?

Gon wasn't here. And he might have ADHD but he's never late to something he wants to do.

(Maybe he just didn't want to hang out with Killua as much as he made it seem. Maybe he just wanted to mess with him.)

Oh, man, was anxiety a hell of a ride.

As Killua was busy internally screaming whilst on said ride, a hand fell over his eyes, and that only made it worse.

So, he did what every logical person would do, and elbowed whomever this attempted kidnapper was right in the gut.  _ Hard. _

There was a strange, strangled noise and a thud, which ended with Killua whipping around, phone in hand, with 911 on speed dial.

To see his best friend lying on the grass, quietly wheezing and smiling up at him.

"Hi, Kih-llua."

"GON, WHAT?! DUDE- I'M SORRY- WHAT- WHAT THE HELL?!"

Killua hopped the bench he was sitting on and crouched next to his friend, pinching his face and glaring at him;

"I've told you not to do that."

"Haave youh?" 

"I have. You're stupid." 

Gon clutched his chest dramatically and drew out a sigh: "And here I thought -e had sonthin, Killuah."

Killua let go of his companion's face and slapped his own, groaning softly and falling back to the grass, his feet landing on Gon with a small 'uff' noise.

They sat in silence for awhile, but then Killua decided that this was strange for a picnic.

"So, did you like. Bring..food, or anything. Aren't we supposed to eat at a picnic, Gon? I skipped lunch for this you know."

"Yeah, I did, I promise! Don't get angry. I set up a spot for us somewhere I think you'll really like!"

Killua moaned in pure exasperation to the sky, pressing his hands to his eyes until he saw stars.

"Was  _ that  _ why it took so long for you to get here? What is it with you and your", he flung his arms out and wiggled his hands: " _ Grand _ gestures, are you trying to woo me or something?" 

"Well, maybe one day you'll find out."

At that point, time had basically stopped, and Killua himself took a long pause, because  _ what in the hell did that mean? _

Gon had seemingly frozen as well, eyes pinned to the sky and his chest hardly moving as the tips of his ears went red.

Killua coughed once.

"Well, this is how I know you're gay but we move on-"

The boy across from him laughed loudly after a moment, shutting Killua up because  _ sometimes Gon let him know just how obsessed he, Killua, was by just existing. _

This was not going to be great.

"Okay, Killua! We're almost there, I promise!"

"I hate everything about this situation and regret agreeing to come with you."

"You don't mean that."

"Don't I?"

"No."

Killua sputtered behind his friend for a moment as he shot him a smile and continued ahead.

He wasn't  _ that _ easy to read, was he?

"Whatever. Are we?-"

"Alright, we're here!" Gon chirped and whirled around to grab his best friend by the hand, leading him out into a clearing in the forest; 

Killua was..Speechless, to say the least.

It looked like a scene from a storybook, in a way. A circle of perfectly strong, tall trees blocking just enough sun as it tried its way through the thin canopy above, little succeeding and leaving dappled splotches of white-yellow light across the grass. 

Flowers eagerly made themselves known with bright catching colors as they were scattered around in the dirt, along with dandelions: the white puffs providing a softer image.

In the middle of this little fantasy was a picnic blanket, a basket on top along with a few bundles of flowers that more than likely previously occupied the soil below them.

Of course Gon wouldn't want to trample the flowers. He himself was like a forest, in a way.

"..ua? Killua. Killua!"

The white haired boy was thrown from his dream state back into the reality, where said forest boy was standing in front of him, concerned. 

"Ki-llu-aaah. Are you okay?" 

Killua raised an eyebrow and nodded, faking nonchalance and looking around again.

"I'm fine. Looks pretty cool, Gon." 

Gon lit up and grinned brightly at his friend before leading him over to the picnic spot, but not before Killua noticed they were still holding hands and made a quiet, strangled noise in the back of his throat as his ears grew pink.

"Aunt Mito made some really good stuff for us! I think you'll like it- Killua?"

The boy looked from his blue eyed friend to where those eyes were resting, and squeaked apologetically before whipping his hand away from Killua's.

The white haired boy blinked before pulling his own hand to his side and meeting Gon's eyes as he turned to face him.

"Sorry, Killua."

"W-wha- No! No, no you're fine." Killua shot his friend a smile and they couldn't help but laugh for a moment.

"Alright! Aunt Mito made some stuff she thought you'd like, and I hope you like it too! It's not a picnic without good food."

"Or chocolate." Killua's blue eyes twinkled with mischief as he stated matter of factly, to which Gon replied: "I knew you'd say that. ..I um…" The raven haired teen mumbled incoherently and would not repeat anything, spiteful of his slightly younger friend's best efforts. "Gooooon! You can't leave me hanging like this!" "It's a surprise, silly! Eat your food!" "Surprise. Sure. Cause you know I love- Ooh! Sandwich!" Gon watched fondly as Killua picked out his food before getting his own, idly chatting with his friend and catching up.

"N' so Illumi fell out of the window- you think the man would be graceful with how he carries himself 'r whatever, but apparently not. I pushed Alluka out of the way cause I'm fast and cool like that, you know? But then the music inside stopped and we had to book it for the hills. Got in the car and then suddenly Nanika was fronting, she had no idea what was happening, which I would've taken the time to laugh but, life or death situations ya know?" Killua took another bite out of his sandwich and held down a smirk at how sucked in Gon seemed to be with this story, suddenly proud of himself for being the cause of his expression. 

"I pull out my phone; Kalluto and Milluki are extremely confused. Got a death threat and a promise to be at the car as well as a warning. Then I heard my mother's weird, banshee scREECH god that woman is loud, and decided I should prolly start up the car, yeah? Kalluto runs to the car and flings the door open, sitting in Illumi's lap and I slam the gas just as our parents came up behind us." The getaway driver did a subtle hair flip as he raised his drink to toast, leaving a giggling Gon in his wake and admiring the warm sound. 

Then his face grew warm.

"You're so cool, Killua! Your life is always so interesting- sometimes I wish I had siblings, it seems like alot of fun. Is it fun? I grew up an only child and stuff so I wouldn't know. I wish I did though. And.." Blue eyes watched excited brown flit around excitedly as his best friend rambled and Killua listened. 

He realized then, just how much he's missed the boy in front of him. No matter how blunt but cryptic this boy may be, Killua could never not adore everything about him.

And maybe that was a little gay but no one besides Killua had to know that, thanks.

Y'know, maybe Gon was a little gay too.

Killua sputtered softly as his 'family' snickered behind him, witnessing the scene.

"Well, you don't have to take them if you don't want to, I just- I wanted to give you something. I guess?"

The younger teen stared at the older as well as the flowers and chocolate in his hands.

Flowers from their picnic spot. Killua had wondered where that bouquet disappeared to. 

The chocolate? Don't know where the hell that came from, must've been Gon's surprise.

Speaking of Gon, he looked pretty sad right now. 

"Right. I'll go, you guys have a great day today! Sorry, Killua." The tan boy shot everyone a saddened grin before turning to walk away, being caught by Alluka down the stairs.

"GON! He totally wants them. He just doesn't want to process his feelings about it." She stated with a feigned sigh, snapping Killua out of his trance: "Hey! I'm not that..closed..WHY IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME?!" The boy shoved his turtleneck over his face as an exasperated red crawled up his nape.

"Mmh. Here, Gon. Can I have them? I'll give it to him when he's finally decided it's fine to have  **_emotions._ ** " She shot a backwards glare at her white haired brother, who couldn't see her over his sweater.

"Oh! Sorry- yeah. Yeah! Here." Gon handed his small gifts to the girl in front of him, a smile more genuine now as he waved again and began to walk away.

Alluka waved animatedly before shutting the door and turning swiftly to her brother and smacking him on the top of his head, with a little more force than intended.

"OW! ALLUKA?!"

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT YOU IGNORANT FOOL?"

"IGNORANT? WHEN WAS I IGNORANT?!"

"DID YOU NOT SEE HOW HE JUST WANTED TO LOVE YOU?"

"LOVE ME?!" Killua parroted, voice cracking slightly at the implication. He earned a groan from Alluka as well as two hands on his shoulders from behind, of which drew a yelp from Killua as he craned his neck to lock eyes with his older brother:

"I rarely understand emotions. So this is alot coming from me. You know, Kiki?"

Killua soured at that  _ nickname- where the hell did it come from _ ?- before recognizing what his older sibling had said. "..What's..A lot?"

"It's okay to be in love with your best friend, Killua. It's okay to feel things."

Killua blinked up at his sibling, watching Illumi's eyes soften as his own glistened with unshed tears.

Why did he need to hear that?

Like a lot of other things, Killua didn't know.

But he wants to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to headcanon that Illumi has Schizoid because of his canon behavior in the show  
> (Schizoid is basically a personality disorder that leaves the individual emotionally distant and numb. Kind of like the whole 'emotionless' stereotype.)  
> So that's why Illumi said it was hard for him to process emotions and why it was such a big thing when Illumi confirmed Killua's insecurity about the whole situation. ✨💔
> 
> Once Gon and Killua do get into a relationship I want to delve into the struggles they would have, because it gives me a chance to project onto characters and these lovelies have issues even in my modern au. 🙄💞


	8. Gon, save us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to raise Killua's confidence with Gon by adding him and everyone else to a gc 💔
> 
> Usernames!!  
> Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated // Kurapika  
> Doctor-in-agony // Leorio  
> The rest should be decently obvious?@?÷

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I APOLOGIZE THAT THIS ISN'T VERY LONG CRIES  
> Wanted to get another update in  
> Don't question me  
> I need distractions 💔

"Killua. This is the first step."

Illumi, Killua, Nanika, and Kalluto sat on the couch in Killua's apartment in a desperate attempt to help him with...Whatever this was.

"What do you _mean_ 'the first step', what's making a groupchat going to do?"

"Maybe with all of us together you'll be able to raise your confidence with him!" 

The white haired boy in the center of this half circle stared at his phone screen, finger hovering over the _add chat_ button, and contemplated.

"You know what, I'm sure I could-"

Nanika let out a whine before taking her brother's phone and tapping the needed buttons.

"Nanika!?!"

* * *

**Killua created a chat**

**Killua added Illu-nii, ♡Alluka!(DID)☆, Milkman-and_paperboy, Everyonecallsmefrog, Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated, Doctor-in-agony**

**Killua edited the chat: God, save us**

Killua: Wait

**Killua edited the chat: Gon, save us**

Killua: perfect

Everyonecallsmefrog: Ong what

Everyonecallsmefrog: Hi guys!! 

Everyonecallsmefrog: what is the name of this gc bye

Everyonecallsmefrog: Killua is this you implying that I am god

* * *

"NANIKA!"

"Come on, brother. We're all your friends. It's fine!"

Nanika smiled, leaving Killua confused on how to feel as he retrieved his phone.

* * *

Killua: No this was all Nanika

Killua: all of my siblings cornered me into thid

Doctor-in-agony: So you didn't want to talk to us

Doctor-in-agony: how rude Killua 💔

Killua: Shut up hag

Killua: I literally have a gc with you guys already 

Doctor-in-agony: yes but you've never even tried ading your family

Doctor-in-agony: Let alone Alluka/Nanika at _least_

Killua: and I repeat 

Killua: Shut up hag

Doctor-in-agony: Kurapika I'm being abused

Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated: you don't know the first thing about abuse Leorio

Doctor-in-agony: I'm learning about it okay oml 💔

Killua: that's enough with the heart emojis old man it's weird

Doctor-in-agony: PLEASE I'M NOT AN OLD MAN SOBS

Everyonecallsmefrog: And here I thpught Killua acted differntly around his family

Illu-nii: Of course he does, he's polite with you guys.

Doctor-in-agony: There's no way in hell this can be classified as polite

Killua: well then welcome to heaven sweetums !!

Everyonecallsmefrog: BAHAHSCE

Doctor-in-agony: GAGS

Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated: Isn't 'sweetums' Alluka's thing?

♡Alluka!(DID)☆: Yes it is

♡Alluka!(DID)☆: I knoe I'm a great influence it's okay

Everyonecallsmefrog: KILLUA

Everyonecallsmefrog: KILLUA

Killua: I. AM RIGHT HERE. CALM DOWN. 

Everyonecallsmefrog: KILLUA YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION 

Killua: WHAT QUESTION 

Killua: OH WAIT

Everyonecallsmefrog: YEAH ?×&@

Killua: THAT ISN'T MY QUESTION TO ANSWER DIMWIT THAT WAS NANIKA

* * *

**Gon's hyperfixation corner (ft. Kurapika & Leorio)**

Doctor-in-agony: not Gon yearning for Killua's indirect affirmations 

Everyonecallsmefrog: Not sure if I like those funny words magic man

Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated: those _are_ some funny words Leorio, where'd you learn them

Doctor-in-agony: ignoring that remark and focusing on Gon's simping tendencies again !!

Everyonecallsmefrog: no but I liked where the other conversation was going

Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated: Only because it was going away from you

Everyonecallsmefrog: Exactly

Everyonecallsmefrog: all thid attention is overwhelming 💔

Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated: said the boy who basically just begged Killua for attention 

Everyonecallsmefrog: man you guys are acting kind of ableist right now :[ 

Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated: literally none of us are neurotypical you don't get that excuse anymore 

Everyonecallsmefrog: this is a hate crime

Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated: I feel like me and Leorio are being hate crimed

Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated: the way you guys chase eachother in circles is torture

Doctor-in-agony: cruel and unusual punishment is illegal, Gon 💔

Everyonecallsmefrog: Anarchy💖

Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated: Wow you know that word

Everyonecallsmefrog: UGH SHH 💔😭 /srs /Lh

* * *

**☆**

**Gon, save us: 4:33 pm**

♡Alluka!(DID)☆: She said it just seemed fitting -A

Illu-nii: How would he save us? I believe he's about as stable as the rest of us.

Milkman-and_paperboy: Oh so we're calling ourselves stable

Killua: ew imagine being mentally sound

♡Alluka!(DID)☆: sobs -A

♡Alluka!(DID)☆: ..-A/N

♡Alluka!(DID)☆: we're both internally crying

Illu-nii: We're all in the same room, Lulu

Illu-nii: you're quite literally next to me right now

♡Alluka!(DID)☆: I was justifying for the people who aren't with us Aniki 💔

Killua: tf did they go anyway 

Killua: GUYD

Killua: GUYS

Milkman-and_paperboy: ??*(@,÷?

* * *

**4:46 pm**

Everyonecallsmefrog: KAIAHWHAJ SORRY KILLUA 

Everyonecallsmefrog: WE'RE BACK

Everyonecallsmefrog: I GOT DISTRACTED 💔💔

Doctor-in-agony: Where's our apology Gon

Inter@ct!on¡isoverrated: yeah wtf we had to get you back 

Everyonecallsmefrog: Cries

Everyonecallsmefrog: Sorry everyone 

Doctor-in-agony: man no specification?@&×*? 💔

Everyonecallsmefrog: SOBS SHUT UP

Killua: LMAO EVERYONE LEAVE THE GUY ALONE GOD

Illu-nii: Gon*

Killua: 

**'Killua' has left the chat**

**'Everyonecallsmefrog' is now the owner**

Everyonecallsmefrog: KILLUA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING !!  
> Also I know this is like  
> Really selfish  
> But I  
> HAYSVA UM  
> Could you guys maybe leave a comment or something  
> Anything is fine I just  
> I don't know I really like notifications they make me feel wanted  
> I'M SORRY LMAOAOA  
> LOVE YOU GUYS BYE 💞💞

**Author's Note:**

> Uh  
> Well  
> Thank you for reading asf  
> And I hope you liked it  
> And if you guys want it will be continued  
> Goodbye Love you asf /p


End file.
